eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
...or God or something.

Probably God.

[You are not me I am not nearly as crazy.]

Okay then I call Satan.

eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
EEnehghghaghghgh fucking dreamwidth ate my post anthasghtghg
eateroftrees: God peaking out from behind their knees (god)
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
Just noting that. :P
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
I'm increasingly skeptical of ableism as a term applied to neurodivergence just because honestly? Half the time the problem isn't that you're less capable, or that your ability levels are impaired or anything, it's that your brain works in dramatically different ways and people are shit to you about that.  I really can't think of the general oppression of borderlineness as ableism, it's not "You need to have stable relationships and identities? What? You can't do that? Well then you suck"; it's "You are inherently abusive so we're totally justified in abusing you back to keep other people safe" sort of shit.  Honestly that stuff feels more like my oppression for transness then my oppression for the "can't function worth shit" half of my autism.

Not to mention the number of times I've seen "disability" framed as "physical disability".  Honestly I hardly have much at all in common with physically disabled people, I mean except when I have weird muscle weakness/soreness and can't sit up comfortably.  And okay, the needing constant support for other people and being completely unable to function in society.  But still.  So I'm probably not going to stop calling this stuff ableism, I'm just... likely to be more specific because ableism is pretty fucking diverse.

It reminds me a bit of the situation with "queer"/QUILTBAG/GSM/etc; huge amounts of shit gets lumped together that I honestly think shouldn't be.
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)

So um. Dreamwidth is being obnoxious. I sent them a message saying:
I am colorblind, which means that frequently red and black are indistinguishable for me; the default styles, including the one I selected, apparently include styles that use red links contrasted with black text, with no secondary indicator of links, and so I'm unable to actually navigate blog posts.

I have found out how to change the color, but even so there are a variety of forms of colorblindness and I would appreciate being able to have my links underlined, as even changing my link color to blue would still present accessibility problems for some people, which I have not been able to find a setting for.

It would also be quite helpful if the default themes were checked for accessibility and so choosing from the default settings would not have a situation like this where it is extremely difficult to use the site.

Further addition, I found out how to add custom CSS to underline my links; so that isn't a problem, though a more user-friendly option would be greatly appreciated for anyone else who doesn't have friends who know CSS, and I'm still concerned that this is a problem amongst uncustomized styles, as not everyone is quite as dedicated to making sure I can read their blog.


The replied:

As you surely know, there are many types of color blindness and many types of visual issues from people needing low color contrast to people needing as few lines as possible on the screen and vice versa. It would be impossible for us to make themes which everybody would be comfortable with. We would always have to favor one category of users over others. That is why we try to offer a wide choice of styles and themes -- we currently have 27 styles and over 450 themes -- and let people customize them quite extensively. You obviously already know how to customize the colors of your theme but here are a few things you may not know:

-- If you like your current style but would like to use a theme whose colors are better suited to you, you can see all the themes which are associated to one style by clicking on its name at the Customize page (in your case:

-- If you'd like to be able to browse styles and themes by color instead, you can use a third-party tool one of our volunteers made and which we plan on integrating to our official pages:

-- You can preview themes before you select them by clicking on the preview button which is in the upper right corner of every thumbnail shown at It'll show you exactly what your journal would look like if you used the theme.

-- Official styles and themes are made by users. You can submit your own at

-- To make sure every Dreamwidth blog is readable to you, we have an option which lets you view any journal in your own style. It's the 'Journal View Style' option at

As for underlining links you're correct that we don't have a user-friendly option which would let you do this. I've linked you to the FAQ explaining how to suggest improvements if you'd like this to become an option.

I hope this helps.


Like, okay seriously? I said I solved the problem for myself, I don't need you to tell me more ways to fix it. aWhat I need you to do is acknowledge that 5% of the population is colorblind, and you have NO OPTIONS FOR ANY OF THEM. You don't have an option anywhere to say "Hey I'm colorblind I want styles that won't cause problems here!" You don't have an option anywhere that says "Hey I have visual impairments and need a simple theme, give me one that works here." You're basically saying "Well making our site accessible is hard work so we're not going to anything about it."

Also why the fuck are you saying "You should suggest this as a feature!" I JUST FUCKING DID it's a bug report i'm saying "your accessibility fucking sucks, please fix this, here's a way you could accomidate EVERY FORM OF COLORBLINDNESS as well as chromatically abnormal monitors," that basically means I'm saying "YOU NEED A WAY TO UNDERLINE LINKS WITHOUT CSS HACKS". This is a fucking bug.

This really is unsurprising, as most websites are like this. But most websites don't have a statement linked on every page of their fucking website that says "We think accessibility for people with disabilities is a priority, not an afterthought. We think neurodiversity is a feature, not a bug." in it. So at this point about all i can say is they're lying in their diversity statement.

Of course this is the website that charges you fifteen dollars if you need to hide from stalkers so I should hardly expect good things.

ETA: It's been pointed out to me that the site skin defaultly uses underlined red links.  You can change this, but I checked and every single option uses underlined links (though it might be using browser defaults, in which case someone who configured their browser to not underline links wouldn't get them underlined.)

Regardless, this leads to the obvious question: WHAT THE FUCK.  Either: you're not giving a fuck about the people with visual disabilities you basically said "well we can't do that because these people" about, OR you've got a system that works for them some of the time in your main theme, but can't carry that over into your user themes.

Either way, your new motto should be "We care about accessibility! As long as you never bring it up."
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
Like I'm cool with a tiered feature thing where you pay for extra features, because I mean, this place needs to make money and well, some of these features are pretty optional and I could see them being a perk (like having polls for example.)

But anyway.  I was reading through this

Some of these seem really problematic.  Most notably, lack of mass editor unless you pay, inability to subscribe to comment threads (And actually, the fact that even with a paid account you can only get notifications of replies to your comments by email and not by your inbox? WTF.), inability to edit comments.

Charging you to rename your journal and charging you for use of analytic software.  I mean those aren't necessarily awful but I mean, if you're dealing with harassment or stalking it's like "Well we can help you avoid your stalkers... BUT ONLY IF YOU PAY US"

A number of these seem really fucked up, like, charging to have extremely basic features, or not entirely basic features, but features that might be essential to some people (editing comments is a serious problem if you're, you know, dyslexic/dyspraxic and OCD.  Gluh.)

I'm also bothered that paid accounts can be notified of de-access and de-subscribing because I've had experiences where I needed to do one of those and I really really really did not need the person in question having their attention called to it.

Nobody is likely to care about this; but I'm pretty frustrated right now at this sites commitment to inclusivity because it's turning out to be a bit kyriarchal. >.<
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
"We think accessibility for people with disabilities is a priority, not an afterthought."


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Fuck why is nobody around to pay attention to me.

Cabbage got tired and took a nap. >.<

And passive snuggling bores the fuck out of me right now.

Damn it sometimes this borderline thing sucks.

Oh shit and worse I'm in an "Oh god my brain is so nonfunctional I'll never be able to be happy my life is soooooo fucked up nooooo~" mood too.

Fuck I feel broken >.<

(Except I'm still energetic and kind of happy, huh that's odd.)
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)

…because I feel like it!


I wrote some of this as a point about relationships last night for Devyn, so I’ll start by quoting what I wrote (sans personal stuff, you guys only get the theory :P)

Because it seems like the obvious thing to do would be to try to tell normative relationship models to go fuck themselves if they don’t seem like they’d work.

Because I mean that’s sort of seemed like the obvious extension of polyness to me? Like mononormativity is like “There is one Special Class of relationships and it has all these traits and other types of interpersonal relationships don’t have these traits” And I mean, fuck that, obviously.

Which basically it’s the way society divides relationships that I want to break down.

Because, it seems like the way mononormativity works is there’s two, maybe a few more, but mostly two major classes of relationships.  First, you have the Serious Romantic Relationship, it generally consists of romantic attraction, sexual attraction, and a relatively overt degree of identification and commitment (and by commitment here I mean “you will put an effort into making this relationship work”; I know also because of mononormativity commitment and monogamy are often conflated >.<). 

You’re also expected to only have one of it, and it’s expected to have all these parts.  Also it is Serious Business.  Though I have noticed a lot of motifs where actually having a strong friendship with the person is considered optional.  Which is probably a symptom of homosocial norms (ie men hang out with men, women hang out with women type things.)

Now, in addition to this type of relationship, you have everything else.  Other relationships are supposed to be not sexual and not romantic.  Really the definitions are a lot looser here I think, though some degree of commitment probably is involved.  They’re also less Serious Business, which is probably why society has been a lot looser at defining them. (Not that there aren’t tropes for them, like BFFs or bromance or the like, they’re definitely discussed.)

But basically the obvious extension to rejecting the idea that There Can Only Be One with regards to Serious Romantic Relationships, is that really, there’s no reason to accept the validity of the definition as a whole period.  This is especially clear to me also I am somewhat less sexual than normative, which tends to me quite honestly I don’t particularly care one way or another about sexual interactions. (There’s also a varying degree of sexuality in interactions, obviously; it’s not always clear where said boundaries are, either, and I do like certain types of physical interactions that are less sexual quite a bit.  But that is yet another rant.)

Basically, if I take the sexual requirement and the monogamy requirement out of the Serious Romantic Relationship, and can include sexuality in nonromantic relationships, it becomes increasingly clear that you could easily also add romantic attraction to a non-SSR, at which point the distinction rapidly becomes meaningless, and it becomes apparent that, fuck this, you might as well make your own categories, mixing and matching tropes from other types of relationships society likes to insist are the Only Way.

So anyway the obvious practical result of this theory is that we (that is me and Devyn) went and created a new category because we didn’t think the ones that existed did want we wanted, and we ended up calling it “brain twins” because we seem to have weirdly-but-awesomely similar problems and histories.

And for some further areas this could be expanded on, I didn’t really touch much on family either, which I think is probably an important element of this, I haven’t had too extensive identification of people as my family so I’m not super experienced at this.  Obviously the main tropes with family seems to be you’re supposed to be commited to them (whether you like them or not, which, obviously is a prime thing for abuse) and that you’re genetically similar to them, or they are your One Serious Romantic Relationship.

Nor did I touch on heteronormativity or, for that matter, how cissexism contributes to this (Serious Romantic Relationships are always between One Man and One Woman and obviously we can always readily tell who’s a man and who’s a woman and who’s one person and nobody’s anything else) or how commitment goes from being a healthy thing (“Let’s put some effort into resolve conflicts!”) to an extremely unhealthy thing (“Care about your family! Wait what your parents are abusive? YOU STILL MUST CARE ABOUT THEM THEY REALLY LOVE YOU.”) in the hands of kyriarchy.

(Dreamwidth edit: I figure if Tumblr is going to keep sucking I am going to start crossposting everything over here too.  And I like this post so I'll probably edit it a bit and then Wordpress it :P)

eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
This is vastly better than yesterday :P

Like wow I am so euphoric :P
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
Considering I could use this as a way to talk about [redacted] when I'm freaking out about the possibility of [redacted].

Better privacy too; don't need to use a password, and can authorize people individually, and people can subscribe to posts and leave comments.

Geeze why is Tumblr so popular anyway.


Jul. 1st, 2011 02:26 am
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
Someone reblogged my angry rant about how vandalism ends up mostly hurting lower class people with a ridiculous privilege deny-y rant about how anything that supports the legitimacy of property supports the legitimacy of the state.

Like... okay this is why I REALLY HATE anarchism.


Holy shit this is pissing me off right now.


And, I don't know, maybe violence against property is also INCREDIBLY FUCKING INTIMIDATING.  Do you think people who work at a store you go smash the windows of is going to feel safer knowing you've challenged their capitalist oppressors?

What the fuck.

I'm certainly not a fan of half the shit the government (or the corporate feudal overlords) are doing, but I'm not going to trust anyone who wants to destroy it completely without putting some fucking thought into how it might effect people in positions of less privilege.  And I don't particularly trust communities to work everything out without completely screwing over the disabled people in the absence of a government.

Besides 3/4 of the people I interact with are not in a position to benefit from their local communities. I'm worried I'm going to piss off my friends.  Agh. >.> But yeah I a) am basically only surviving and having any quality of life right now because of social security, and b) I don't trust anything that isn't the government any more than I trust the government.
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)

Okay so every time I talk about my anxiety issues people are always like DEEP BREATHING and MUSCLE RELAXATION which is pretty much impossible for me because I can’t do stuff that slow because I get impatient and um.  When you’re having panic attacks or otherwise anxious, YEAH THAT DOES THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT ITS SUPPOSED TO.

Anyway I guess, anyone with ADHD (or who otherwise has this problem) have any luck coming up with things that are relaxing .

The two things I can think of that seem to have helped are playing Tetris (simple enough game that it doesn’t stress me, attention demanding enough to grab my attention and stop me from, you know, focusing on other things) and taking a shower.  The latter doesn’t work obviously when I’m triggered or having a panic attack though because, well, I’m kind of suspicious I get actually delusional when that happens and cutting myself off from the rest of the world has resulted in me being completely convinced someone’s personality was triggering me and that I would have to abandon all my contacts (THIS DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE I KNOW) So basically that’s not a good idea.

Suggestions would be helpful.

(Regardless I think the only thing that’s helped when I’m having panic attacks—as opposed to merely abnormally high stress—is removing the thing triggering the panic attacks, which’ll generally calm me down almost instantly. …except, you know, when I can’t remove the trigger because it’s an intrusive thought. >.<  Well that or medications.  But yeah.  When I’m less slightly panicky but still unpleasantly anxious, though, some advice would be helpful.)


Jun. 28th, 2011 05:39 pm
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
I seem to be in a "can't stop writing" mood again today.  Which is interesting and kind of awesome because YAY EUPHORIA.

Please be another rush like that last one that lasted half a week please be another rush like that last one.

...this may be a sign my antidepressants are working. Which... yay~

Still tired all the time.  And having other health problems, which... ehhhh.  But yeah.
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
Okay and so is dreamwidth, it ate my post. D:  Note to self: do not navigate away from this page while you're writing a post it will not save it.

Anyway I'm not even sure why everyone uses tumblr, it's got privacy that's worse than facebook (I mean, facebook will just randomly reshuffle privacy settings and out you accidentally because they're kind of confusing and inconsistant; and also sell your data to advertisers.

Basically Tumblr will do absolutely nothing to stop trolls from harassing you constantly.

So yeah.

I mean i'll probably keep using it because I have two hundred followers there and am involved in a number of community blogs that probably should stay around.  But I mean, there's definitely issues here.

Also Tumblr is down so I'm posting here instead of there because, oh hey I can't post on Tumblr right now.  Argh.
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
I stuck up a new about section.  Thus fullfilling the prophacy that I can't have an About Me section without sticking ENORMOUS PARAGRAPHS OF INFORMATION.  Next up I must add an interests section :P

BEHOLD! I eat trees. Like a beaver. (And I'm not even kidding about that; I compulsively gnawed on my bedframe once which made my mom rather annoyed at me, and call me a beaver.)

My name actually is unconnected to that, it came from an NPC from a D&D game I ran. Who did eat trees, and who generally thought that being what your biology said you should be was a terrible idea, and so magically turned themselves into a dragon/water spirit/fey/human hybrid because they could. And who thought they should understand all the experiences and so proceeded to study seven different completely disconnected varieties of magic, and they enjoyed having unpleasant shit happen to them, because, hey, more experiences. (The former character trait actually was strongly predicated on my developing transness, and the latter is well... kind of my personality. "I haven't studied metallurgy lately LET'S DO THAT!~" or "Wait why would I not like having mental issues that make me pathologically unable to clean things? It's so much more interesting this way!")

...I have a pathological inability to clean things, by the way. It's a combination of OCD ("But I can't move that stuff off the floor, it doesn't have any better spot to go!") and ADHD ("I'm done eating, what's next? Hey this plate's in my way, I'll just move it to the floor...")

Any currently I know I am or am pretty certain I am: autistic, ADHD, OCD, borderline, dyslexic, have dyspraxia, relatively serious depression, general and social anxiety, PTSD, hypochondria. Also I have melissiphobia and, um, slime-phobia I don't know the actual name for that but it's pretty serious. Also I'm colorblind, in the sense that I don't see reds nearly as intensely as blues and greens, and myopic, for which I wear glasses.

Also I'm trans and have body dissonance as a result of that. I have two genders (female and androgynous) I generally prefer 'she' as a pronoun.

I mostly write about neurodiversity and transness since that's the general area in which my life is less normative. In the interest of clarity, I am white, USian, culturally middle-class but exceedingly poor, singlet, polyamorous and have a sexuality that is actually exceedingly hard to describe with the available words (we'll try anyway! Panromantic; demisexual with regards to men, normative sexual attraction to other genders, minimal desire to actually have sex; generally identify as lesbian (which as a label fits me like a sock fits a hand) and gray-A, and less often, bisexual)

I also use a Dvorak keymap, mostly just because I want to, but also slightly because it requires less moving your hands about. This may result in, when I'm freaking out or otherwise stressed to the point that correcting typos takes energy that I don't have, that my typos may be a tad idiosyncratic. Also if I go "eouathntnhaeuo" that's a keysmash, not unlike "dsfakjlkljasfd".

And oh look, I replaced this with a memoire (previous it said "I'm not telling, but knowing my habits I'll replace this with a memoire soon".) I AM NOT SURPRISED IN THE LEAST.

Basically yeah.

(Apparently feeling "blah" is not enough to stop me from writing giant essays on a whim. :P)
eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
So I am apparently the worst at keeping the fact that I'm probably borderline secret.  You know, with the randomly talking about splitting on my main blog and otherwise spelling out my ABSURD DRAMATIC BEHAVIOR.

Also I called someone who's openly borderline my brain twin.  (I'm accumulating those a lot. Currently am up to three. :P)


But um.  I'm considering moving my stuff about that to here because it's a tad more private plus COMMENTS! except if my experience is at all like wordpress nobody will leave them :(

Also maybe my like... massively productive MUST WRITE ALL THE THINGS ABOUT THIS stage has past.  I don't even know.

But yeah basically: better privacy settings here than on tumblr, considering migrating borderline posts over here instead of on a secondary tumblr because it'll, you know, be more private.

Or maybe I should just out myself and say fuck it.  I don't know.  Advice? (and, okay, my access list at this point consists of three people, one of whom I haven't even talked to about this at all so um.  Yeah. >.>  Not even sure who can give advice.)

eateroftrees: Emily's head from the side (Default)
Okay so apparently I can't type my password well enough for Dreamwidth's liking and they are fond of locking you out of your account if you try logging on too many times with the wrong password.


I mean seriously there's such a thing as dyspraxia which pretty much means I can't type without making FUCKING RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF TYPOS and I can't check to make sure I'm typing my stuff correctly because my password is all starred out and you know, I can't SEE IT.

I am frustrated. >.<

I mean really I thought you guys were supposed to care about accessibility, but I've already been locked out of my account twice argh.

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